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The Whippet #115: More crowns, please 🖐✊🖐✊

thewhippet.substack.com

The Whippet #115: More crowns, please 🖐✊🖐✊

Feb 10, 2021
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The Whippet #115: More crowns, please 🖐✊🖐✊

thewhippet.substack.com

Hello!

I have had a tab open to the Wikipedia page of Max Factor — the make-up brand — for the past week, so I am going to share this with you, even though it has no larger point or take-away.

Max Factor is named after Maksymilian Faktorowicz, the Polish beautician who founded the company. That’s it, that’s the whole fact. I’d always assumed they were making a claim about being the key factor in making your face maximally good or something. But no. Maksymilian Faktorowicz.

Okay, thank you, I can close the tab now.

When Upper and Lower Egypt joined, the new king just stuck both crowns together

L—R: The hedjet, the White Crown of Upper Egypt, the deshret, the Red Crown of Lower Egypt, the pschent, the Double Crown of unified Egypt.

I think you will agree this is hilariously literal and all world leaders should have to do it if they want to take over another nation.

Unified Egypt is basically what you’re thinking of when you think “Ancient Egypt” — the first pyramids were built 500 years after the pschent was invented.

The pschent had two ‘crests’ at the centre, where you would normally expect a crown to have one — these were a vulture and a cobra, symbols of Nekhbet, the patron goddess of Upper Egypt, and Wadjet, the patron goddess of Lower Egypt. You can see them clearly on Tutankhamun’s death mask:

In Ancient Egyptian writing, they’re euphemistically referred to as the Two Ladies, “in order to keep their names secret from enemies and disbelievers and to show respect for their powers,” a sentence which makes me regret putting The Whippet out in my own name.


Kiwis are bird rats

From “Five Facts About Birds” in ¡Hola Papi!

There were no rats on the island, and so the kiwi said, “I will do it.” The kiwi developed whiskers like a mammal. It took on a drab coloring and decided to remain on the ground. This is the steady song of the earth—where there is a seed, a specific beak will form to crack it. Where there is a tall tree with fruit, a neck will elongate to reach it. Where there is skin, a tooth will hone itself to pierce it. Even on an island, detached and isolated, there is a rat’s work to be done. There are only so many rhymes to be made.

or as Red Sun puts it:

Twitter avatar for @redsunO21
🌕 @redsunO21
im so delighted that this creature exists. rat software on bird hardware
Image
2:34 PM ∙ Dec 16, 2020
139,586Likes16,014Retweets

If you like poetic descriptions of animals, you might like this Guardian piece: The African painted dogs that vote by sneezing and run on 'shadow puppet legs'.


“Auspicious” etymology

Auspicious means lucky — and like many words for lucky, it’s connected to divination/fortune-telling rather than just “hey a nice thing happened”.

Specifically, Ancient Romans used to try and guess the will of the gods (divination = divine) by looking at the flight of birds. Avis = bird, specera = to look (as in spectate, spectacles). Auspice = lookin at birds.

Had a very auspicious morning, by which I mean I looked at some birds.


People’s weird little inner lives

I’ve really been enjoying the Twitter account Fesshole, where people anonymously write in their secrets. There’s a few immoral things, and a few gross things, some are definitely fake, but there’s also a tonne of just the weird little games and rituals people have in their heads that you’d never know about:

Twitter avatar for @fesshole
Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️ @fesshole
If I ever bend down to pick up something I've dropped in the kitchen I always imagine there's a sniper about a kilometer away who says "Damn, target lost", into his radio. Always.
4:25 PM ∙ Feb 2, 2021
428Likes27Retweets
Twitter avatar for @fesshole
Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️ @fesshole
When I'm finishing muesli I pretend to be a cowboy gold prospector, and swill the last of the milk round to catch the valuable bits.
10:25 PM ∙ Jan 25, 2021
201Likes4Retweets
Twitter avatar for @fesshole
Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️ @fesshole
It was with a heavy heart today that I relegated my tin opener to the third drawer down. He's had a good innings but he's simply not pulling his weight any more. I hope the rolling pin and ice cream scoop will be his friends.
9:25 PM ∙ Feb 6, 2021
614Likes18Retweets

and people’s irrational fears — I mean really irrational:

Twitter avatar for @fesshole
Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️ @fesshole
I'm in my 30s. I have to tuck my pajama pants into my socks at night so the ghosts don't get in. What will ghosts do to my legs if they get in? I don't know and I don't want to find out.
12:25 PM ∙ Feb 6, 2021
868Likes54Retweets
Twitter avatar for @fesshole
Fesshole 🙏 ⚫️ @fesshole
I'm a 38 year old man and I'm genuinely terrified of my washing machine when it's on a full fast spin. I can't be in the same room incase it falls apart and the drum acts as shrapnel and kills me.
9:25 PM ∙ Jan 7, 2021
546Likes24Retweets

You know how, when your vacuum cleaner tries to suck up something too big, like a bedsheet or a curtain, it raises in pitch? That rising crescendo sound freaks me out, it sounds like it’s going to get higher and higher until the machine explodes. I was in my 20s when it suddenly occurred to me that’s not physically possible, and I don’t have to turn the vacuum cleaner off in a rushed panic in order to prevent it.

Unsolicited Advice: Thinking in blocks of time

I’ve been finding it useful to think in terms of blocks of time. That is, specifically, planning your week or month by thinking “how many blocks of time do I have?”

I have very little external structure, being mostly a freelancer, and a lot of projects and ideas I want to get done. Splicing a general morass of “write articles, do client work, I should probably be better at social media, so many emails, learn Spanish, whippet, newsletter consult, write fiction, start a podcast? read more non-fiction books” etc into “the next indefinite period of time” is … the scope is too broad.

But if I go, okay, fundamentally I have 10 decent blocks of proper focus time for work in the next week (that’s 1 each before and after lunch, 5 days a week). then it’s much easier to assign those to different areas. And also to see that you have too many potential tasks and ideas. I’m currently typically assigning 2 blocks to The Whippet, 4 to client work, 1 to emails, 2 to writing fiction, so now I have 1 block left, and it’s easy to see I probably can’t start a podcast and learn Spanish unless I want to create some new blocks in the evening or on the weekend.

This 5-day week is relatively hypothetical (seriously, that is not what my week looks like), but you could do the same with whatever blocks of time you have. Like maybe it’s an hour three evenings a week, so that’s 3 blocks to assign.

The idea is that you still have quite a lot of unscheduled time, that will get filled up with socialising or family as well as cooking and general person maintenance. It’s just the blocks that you need to focus on projects.

But if you find the idea depressingly mechanical instead of calming, of course do not use it.

Thanks for reading everyone, please do share it with someone else if you think they’d find it interesting!

Patreon link is here if you want to help out.

Comments are here if you have any truly irrational fears or weird little mental games you want to share:

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The Whippet #115: More crowns, please 🖐✊🖐✊

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18 Comments
Michael M
Feb 10, 2021Liked by McKinley Valentine

That Fesshole account is gold. I'm adding it to the list of accounts that I don't actually follow, because I really shouldn't be exposed to that sort of stuff daily, but I do occasionally dip into for the thrill of it. Same goes for some controversial hot-takers and gossip rags. My browser will know where I'm headed to after typing a few letters of their name, but no WAY am I pressing the follow button. I wonder if anyone else does that.

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AndyV
Feb 10, 2021Liked by McKinley Valentine

Just wanted to say what a great whippet it was this week. Thank you 🙏🏼

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